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Figuring Out Childcare After Active Duty Military Life

Childcare and military transition

By Faith Balogh

One of the most stressful pieces of transition from military life in my personal life is centered around the future well-being of my children. And parent to parent, something tells me you just might feel the same way. It is no secret that the financial cost of having children equals out to about your right arm, the remaining few brain cells you possess, and a trip to return the organic berries you just bought! 

Start by Asking the Questions

The cost of transition, especially separation (not retirement), from active duty military life is already emotionally and financially staggering. So, when we saw that the Department of Labor Women’s Bureau put together an interactive county-by-county map showing child-care costs for each state, my servicemember and I had several serious conversations about what would happen with childcare once we lost our military subsidy.

We got down to the nitty-gritty of these questions. It was exhausting, but hard conversations are what make transition better, right?

  • Is the cost of childcare even worth it? Or should one of us stay at home? 
  • Am I (the spouse) in a career/role/company I truly love? 
  • What if I (the spouse) branched out into entrepreneurship again? Can we afford to be on one income until I build up my business?  
  • We would love to add more kiddos to the mix to keep things interesting. Do we do this once our other littles are in school to offset costs? How many years does that give us? How old will we be? 
  • What about finding an independent sitter open to working for us out of our home — What do they even make these days and could we afford that? 
  • Could we convince family to follow us wherever we choose to live post-military? 

If your head already started to hurt, I get it! I felt like I was drowning in questions and Plans A to Z and this is just one of the gazillion puzzle pieces we are processing to intentionally prepare our family as we depart active duty military life!

We Don’t Have All The Answers, Yet.

To be abundantly clear, we still haven’t been able to answer all of these questions for ourselves, yet. Some of it is impossible to know until further along in our transition journey, but let me tell you how we created a logical flow to alleviate some of that stress.

We built out our “ideal life” on paper – with the understanding that life will “life” and so we have to be flexible (aka do the military-life thing on the outside!). Depending on his income and the state he gets recruited in, we’ll make informed decisions about what pieces of our “ideal life” are feasible, or not. 

Pivoting is every military family’s middle name. Just looking at our “paper ideal life” we feel good about our options and know we’ll be a-okay. The power is in knowledge – more specifically knowing our real-life options. We want life to happen “for” us and not “to” us. It’s a minor switch of language but one that I sincerely believe separates active-duty families from veteran families!  

Childcare when leaving active duty military life

Resources for Child Care Costs

Let me give you some information and one great place to get a few of the answers you might need.

According to the Census report in January 2024, households are spending upwards of 8%-19% of income per child in paid care. And while school has the potential to relieve some or all of that, there’s still the question of school districts, state education subsidies, and the quality of said school districts.

Unfortunately, there are no federal subsidy programs for veterans, even with a 100% disability rating. However, depending on our state of residence (new or current), there may be financial assistance for schooling and/or care. Your girl, Faith (that’s me!), has done a fair bit of digging and comparing as we’ve narrowed down our top three states of residence with this handy tool from Childcare.gov showing what’s available by state. This includes information on childcare financial assistance options. Take some time to review the list and learn more about what your family might qualify for.

The one exception for veterans applies to female veterans residing in California or Virginia. A program through Foundation for Woman Warriors offers application-based financial support for childcare. I realize it’s a very niche community, but one that deserves some love! 

What Does Your Ideal Life Look Like?

As you talk through decisions related to where you might live following your separation, it may be helpful to compare various states and counties of interest. We have compared the average cost of living, housing, childcare, and average income in various states and cities. Remember that Childcare Prices By Age of Children and Care interactive map? Use it! It’s helped my spouse and I remain firmly footed in what reality looks like and where we cannot go if we want the most out of our civilian life.

What were some of the most helpful questions you’ve asked and processed through? What was the determining factor?

Remember, none of us are alone in this! That’s the beautiful thing I remind myself of often. The more we share and open up about our own stories, the lighter and easier it can hopefully be for someone else. I, for one, am honored to do this with you, friends!

Author, Faith Balogh, is our go-to expert for military families who are not retiring, but separating from active duty life. You’ll find her equal parts sweet and spicy and boujee and bum. Balance, ya know?! She’s a military spouse, fierce advocate, and philosopher at heart. 

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About The Founder

Anna Larson, Founder, MilSpouse Transition pwered by NomadAbout, LLC

Anna Larson

Hi, I am Anna Larson. I love helping military spouses move successfully from active duty military life and on to their next adventure.

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