Becoming a “former spouse” of a servicemember isn’t just a change in relationship status—it’s a shift in the way you interact with military life from here on out.
If divorce is part of your transition out of active duty life, you might be wondering what this means for your benefits, your legal standing, and your connection to the military community you’ve been part of for years.
This probably isn’t the goodbye you envisioned, so we headed to the Army’s Former Spouse information page for clarity around what being a former spouse means.
We did look around for similar pages for the Navy, Air Force, Space Force, and Marines, but didn’t find much that didn’t refer you back to the Uniformed Services Former Spouses’ Protection Act which governs what happens to military retirement pay. We’re going to share more about that later. The Army resource page was the one that broke it down the best.
So, what did we do? We pulled some of the key points to help you start finding your footing with fewer question marks and a little more confidence.
What Makes a “Former Spouse” Official?
If you were legally married to a servicemember and divorced while they were still serving or after retirement, you’re considered a “former spouse.” But whether that title comes with benefits depends on several factors, including how long you were married and how long your servicemember served.
The 20/20/20 and 20/20/15 Rules
These rules aren’t just acronyms—they can determine whether you keep things like TRICARE or commissary access.
20/20/20 Rule: You were married to your servicemember for at least 20 years, they served at least 20 years, and those two timelines overlapped for 20 years.
If this fits your situation, you may still qualify for full benefits, including TRICARE, commissary privileges, and continued access to some installation services. But, you only have 90 days from the decree to apply with DEERS for this full privilege benefit.
20/20/15 Rule: You were married to your servicemember for at least 20 years, they served at least 20 years, but there is only 15 years of overlap.
You may qualify for 1 year of transitional TRICARE coverage, but you’ll need to plan ahead for private insurance after that.
Outside these timelines? Unfortunately, benefits are typically cut off. Remember that minor children from the relationship will retain benefits through their DEERS enrollment. These rules apply to the former spouse.
Legal Protections You Should Know
Your rights to a portion of military retirement pay are governed by the Uniformed Services Former Spouses’ Protection Act (USFSPA).
Let’s start with the harsh truth.
Former spouses are not automatically entitled to anything.
It doesn’t matter that you’re career was on hold, you moved 4 times, or you never had a chance to finish college. What you are entitled to will be decided during the divorce settlement, which is regulated by each state differently. The USFSPA Act is what allows each state court, if they choose, to treat military retirement pay as marital property.
What we found is that every state exercises the option to choose how they treat retirement pay differently.
The USFSPA also makes it possible for your share of retirement pay to be paid directly from DFAS (Defense Finance and Accounting Service). But here is where you may have heard of the 10/10 rule, which adds the condition that this will happen only if your marriage and the service period overlap at least 10 years.
Translation? If you’re eligible, DFAS can deposit your portion straight to your bank account without going through your ex-spouse. If you’re not, it’s up to your ex-spouse to make any monthly payments on their own.
Here’s another kicker. The way that the order goes to DFAS matters. Check the DFAS Court Order Requirements page for the most updated information. They even give you a sample language document and the High-3 Calculator.
But, make sure you look at all the information required to do this correctly. Most of it is going to have to be documentation from the servicember, so factor that into your process.
A couple of other little tidbits you might need to think about:
“Disposable retired pay”: When a court awards you a portion of your former spouse’s military retirement pay, the amount you receive is based on what’s called “disposable retired pay.” But that’s not the full retirement check. It’s what’s left over after a few things are taken out—like money your ex owes back to the government, any penalties from a court-martial, certain disability payments, or money that’s going toward a Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP) if they elected it. So, your share is calculated after those deductions are made. It’s important to understand this so you’re not surprised by the number that shows up in your account—it may not match what you think their full retirement pay is on paper.
More than one former spouse: If more than one former spouse is trying to get a piece of the same retirement pay, DFAS pays whoever got their paperwork in first. If there are two court orders that say different things, DFAS will pay the smaller amount for now (up to 50% of the retirement pay) and hold onto the rest until the situation is sorted out. So if there’s a conflict or delay, you might not get the full amount right away—even if your court order says you should.
Taxable: Any allotment of retirement pay is taxable. You’ll be getting a 1099 from the IRS
Contact JAG: If you have questions about any of the above or the USFSPA you need to contact a JAG office. YES! JAG lawyers can help you understand the language, the rights, and give you the next steps. They cannot represent you in court so it’s informational only, but having them review what is stated in your decree can help with peace of mind that you’ve covered all the conditions necessary.
Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP)
The Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP) provides a portion of the servicemember’s retired pay to a named beneficiary after their death—essentially serving as a form of life insurance for retirement income.
Oh, let’s make sure we mention that if you, the former spouse, choose to marry again before age 55, all this goes away. You lose the eligibility no matter what the decree says.
For former spouses to receive SBP coverage, it must be specifically included in the divorce decree or court order and then formally submitted to DFAS (Defense Finance and Accounting Service) within one year of the order.
This isn’t something that happens automatically, and missing that window can result in the loss of lifelong income protection. It’s also worth noting that a former spouse can be designated either by court order or through a voluntary election by the servicemember—but in either case, proper documentation and deadlines are crucial.
If you’re in the middle of divorce proceedings or reviewing your settlement agreement, don’t assume this benefit is yours—ask directly, get it in writing, and make sure it gets filed.
If you’re already retired and didn’t say yes to SBP, you have no recourse to add it at the time of your divorce. Look at other life insurance options, especially if you have minor children.
Where to Start
It’s a lot, right? So, here’s where we might say for you to begin—or circle back to if something doesn’t feel clear.
First, check your timeline. If your marriage overlapped with your servicemember’s military service for at least 20 years, you may qualify for continued benefits under the 20/20/20 rule—or temporary TRICARE coverage under 20/20/15. Knowing where you fall helps you plan for healthcare, base access, and more.
If you’re in the middle of a divorce, take a hard look at your divorce decree. Make sure it clearly spells out how retirement pay will be divided, and whether the Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP) is included—this must be written into the agreement and submitted on time to count.
Already divorced? It’s never too late to double-check what’s been filed. You may still need to follow up with DFAS for direct payments or review your benefits eligibility.
Final Thought + That Must-Say Legal Disclaimer
We’ll start with the legal disclaimer. The information provided in this article is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be considered legal advice. Every divorce situation is unique, and we strongly encourage you to speak with a qualified attorney familiar with military divorce laws in your state.
What we do know is that it’s exhausting to dig through scattered resources and confusing websites just to find clear answers. That’s why we’re building a peer-supported one-stop hub—so you don’t have to search so hard to get what you need.
If this article brought up questions—or if you’ve got advice that helped you navigate divorce as a military spouse—we want to hear from you. Share your experience, drop a resource you swear by, or send us a question for the podcast. We’re reviewing every submission and building content shaped by you, for you.
