What are the words we all hear when military spouse or military family is mentioned?
Resilient.
Disciplined.
Mission-focused.
These are 100 percent strengths that every member of the military community should be proud of, but when transition comes, the very things that once grounded us can become sources of pressure. But let’s stop and rewind, honestly, research shows that eating disorders are not rare in our military community.
The Data Shows…
According to data from SeaWaves and the Millennium Cohort, many spouses, service members, and military dependents show signs of disordered eating. Things like PTSD, deployment stress, loss of familiar supports, and changing identity are big risk factors.
Our community? We’ve got that in spades.
The National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD) shares these statistics on their site about Veteran eating disorder statistics. The data for military spouses is not as clearly identified.
- Certain aspects of military life are thought to contribute to developing or exacerbating eating disorders, including weight and fitness requirements, the stress of combat exposure, and sexual trauma.
- Body dysmorphic disorder affects 13.0% of male military members and 21.7% of female military members, more than five times the rates for the overall population.
- One-third of overweight military personnel engage in unhealthy weight loss behavior to “make weight” while in the service, and they are more likely to suffer from eating disorder behavior later in life as veterans.
- Over 16% of female military personnel and veterans have suffered from an eating disorder, with associations between the eating disorder and sexual trauma and PTSD.
- In the five years studied—from 2017 to 2021–the incidence rates of eating disorders among active servicemembers increased by 79%.
- In a study of military personnel from Iraq and Afghanistan, an estimated 32.8% of female and 18.8% of male veterans showed signs of probable eating disorders, highest being atypical anorexia nervosa (13.6% of women and 4.9% of men), bulimia nervosa (6.1% of women and 3.5% of men), and binge-eating disorder (4.4% of women and 2.9% of men).
For veterans and military spouses, transition is a high-risk period. A time when access to structured fitness norms, peer groups, and even mental health support shifts. Benefits adjust and daily routines break. In that space, it’s more common than we like to admit for someone to begin using food, exercise, or body image as ways to cope, find control, or reconnect with identity.
What About Our Kids?
And for kids and dependents, the emotional ripple effects are real. Moving, seeing stress in parents, shifting expectations—all of this shapes how young people understand body, health, and self-worth.
According to SEAWAVES, about 21% of adolescent military dependents screen positive for eating disorder criteria. That’s about three times higher than civilian peers. And that’s not something we can ignore.
5 Things We Can Do
Knowing the statistics is one thing—but what do we actually do about it? Here are five steps we can take in our military and veteran homes and communities:
- Pay attention during transition. Routines break, benefits shift, identities change—this is when spouses, service members, and kids are most vulnerable. Keep an extra eye out for exercise and food-related coping behaviors during these times.
- Normalize mental health check-ins. Just like we schedule annual physicals or back-to-school shopping, make regular space for emotional and mental health check-ins. No stigma, no shame.
- Notice changes in behavior. Avoiding meals, over-exercising, secrecy around food—these aren’t quirks, they can be signs. If you see them, start talking with “I’ve noticed… and I care” statements
- Create safe spaces for honest talk. Whether it’s at the dinner table, in a friend group, or with a trusted person, make room for conversations about stress, food, and body image without judgment.
- Retire body-based compliments. Stop reinforcing the lie that worth is tied to weight or size. Practice non-body compliments that affirm character, actions, and presence.
Non-Body Compliments Make a Difference
We’ve mentioned that one important step is changing how we talk to each other. about our bodies.
When we focus compliments on weight, shape, or food “discipline,” we unintentionally reinforce the idea that a person’s value is tied to how they look or what they eat. For someone struggling with disordered eating, those words can feel like fuel to keep unhealthy behaviors going, or shame when their body inevitably changes.
But when we flip the script and recognize effort, kindness, consistency, or courage as the “compliment,” we affirm the parts of a person that actually last.
Saying, “I admire how you stay calm under pressure” or “You always bring light to others” doesn’t just land better; it reminds people they’re more than a number on a scale. Changing our language might feel small, but the ripple effect is huge: we start creating a culture where people feel seen for who they are, not measured by how they look.
Especially in the military community.
In cooperation with SeaWaves, we’ve created 30 Non-Body Compliment Cards you can print and share with family and friends or anyone that you’d like to say a kind word to. Grab the download and start with this one small change.
There Is Help If You Need It.
If you’re in a transition phase, this is especially the time to pay attention. If you feel yourself being pulled toward body comparisons or strict control around food, or seeing it in someone you love—those are signs. Not shame. Just signals.
We can build environments where military families—veterans, spouses, dependents—feel supported, seen, and safe to express vulnerability without stigma. Where seeking help is normalized.
Leah Stiles, CEO and Founder of SeaWaves, the only veteran service organization focused solely on eating disorders in the military community, recently joined MilSpouse Transition in a podcast, talking more about eating disorders.
Leah’s leadership and lived experience are a reminder that speaking up saves lives. If you or someone you know needs help, we encourage you to text WAVES to the Text Crisis Line: 741741. WAVES tells the crisis line that you are military-connected and need support with an eating disorder-related conversation.
So let’s do better. For our service members, for our spouses, for our kids—and for ourselves.
