If there’s one thing military spouses know, it’s transition. New duty stations, new routines, new “normal”—wash, rinse, repeat. We’re often applauded for our resilience (and hey, it’s well-earned), but here’s the part people don’t always see: the physical toll it takes. Beneath the surface of all that flexibility and strength? Stress—real, physical stress—that our bodies are carrying whether we admit it or not.
We know stress affects our health, but we don’t always think about how deep that impact goes. Want a fun little nerdy sidebar? The word “stress” actually comes from physics. In the 1920s, a researcher named Hans Selye started using the term to describe the kind of strain the human body goes through during change. Sound familiar? Because that’s basically the milspouse experience in a nutshell.
The deeper I dug into the roots of stress, the more fascinating (and honestly, validating) it got. One gem? There’s actually a framework that spells out the perfect recipe for stress: N.U.T.S. Stick with me—this is where it gets good.
N.U.T.S. stands for novelty, unpredictability, threat to the ego, and sense of control. Let me break it down for you:
- Novelty – Something new you have not experienced before
- Unpredictability – Something you had no way of knowing it would occur
- Threat to the ego – Your competence as a person is called into question
- Sense of Control – You feel you have little or no control over the situation
N.U.T.S. and Military Life.
Novelty – Something new you have not experienced before
- First PCS Move – Packing up your entire life, navigating military movers (and lost boxes), and figuring out how to start over in a brand-new city.
- Attending a Military Ball – Deciphering the dress code, learning customs and courtesies, and worrying about how to introduce yourself or misusing your spouse’s rank.
- First Deployment as a Spouse – Adjusting to solo life or parenting, household management, and the emotional rollercoaster of worry and independence.
Unpredictability – Something you had no way of knowing it would occur
- Last-Minute Orders Change – You’re all set to move to Germany, and then—surprise! You’re going to Texas instead.
- Emergency TDY – Your spouse is home one day, and the next, they’re on a plane for an unexpected training or mission.
- Base Lockdown or Unexpected Crisis – The base goes on lockdown or a weather emergency disrupts your carefully planned routine, leaving you scrambling.
Threat to the Ego – Your competence as a person is called into question
- Career Struggles – Being told (in not so many words) by an employer that your frequent moves make you “too much of a risk” for hiring.
- Military Event Etiquette Mishap – Accidentally sitting in the wrong seat at a formal event or not knowing a tradition that everyone else seems to understand.
- Feeling Like an Outsider in a Spouse Group – Walking into a gathering where everyone already knows each other and trying to fit in.
Sense of Control – You feel you have little or no control over the situation
- Waiting on Orders – Knowing a move is coming but having no idea when or where makes planning nearly impossible.
- Medical System Frustrations – Navigating Tricare, referrals, and base hospital wait times with no say in how quickly things move.
- Deployment Extensions – Expecting your spouse home in a month, only to find out their return date has been pushed back indefinitely.
As the study of stress and physiological factors continued, One of the earliest and most well-known studies on the impact of life changes on health is the 1967 Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale.
The Science Behind it All
Psychiatrists Thomas H. Holmes and Richard H. Rahe developed the Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS) to measure how life events correlate with stress and illness.
Their scale assigned numerical values to various life events, suggesting that the more significant life changes a person experiences, the higher their risk of stress-related health problems. While their study focused on the general population, as I looked through the categories, I would definitively say that military families would rank extremely high on their stress scale.
According to Holmes and Rahe’s findings, accumulating 150 points in a year indicates a moderate risk of stress-related illness, while 300 or more puts someone at high risk.
When I Rated Myself on the Revised SRRS
Considering military families often experience multiple transitions at once, it’s no surprise that chronic stress can take a toll on our health. So, I searched around and found the revised version of this rating scale and took the test.
Let’s just say I did NOT get a passing grade.
I knew I had stress in my life, but looking at it in terms of how it was affecting my health and wellness added an extra layer of responsibility to move some of it off my plate.
I found this exercise so interesting I recreated the scale for you. Want to check out where you rate on the Life of Change Index Scale for Adults? Grab the download at the bottom of the page.
P.S. Make your partner do it too.
Expert-Backed Strategies to Combat Stress on Your Physical Health
Science has only continued to validate what Holmes and Rahe began exploring in 1967. Stress impacts nearly every system in the body, contributing to conditions such as elevated blood pressure and cardiovascular issues, weakened immune systems, digestive issues, poor sleep and anxiety, tension headaches, body pain, and muscle tightness.
While stress is inevitable, there are proven ways to manage it. Here are the top three strategies recommended by experts:
1. Engage in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)
Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, the creator of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, has extensively researched the effects of mindfulness on stress management. The term mindfulness-based includes meditation, deep breathing, and being present in the moment. Research shows that mindfulness can significantly lower cortisol levels and improve overall well-being. For military spouses, even five minutes of deep breathing during chaotic moments can help reset the nervous system.
2. Foster Strong Social Connections
Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a psychologist and professor at Brigham Young University, has studied how social connections impact health. Her research found that people with strong support networks have lower stress levels and a reduced risk of early mortality. Military spouses thrive in communities where they can share their experiences. The MilSpouse Transition Conversation with Crystal Bettenhausen-Bubulka, LCSW, MSG on social health is a great place to learn more about one simple step of carving out one-hour a week for intentional social connection. You can find more about that in our show notes.
3. Exercise as a Natural Stress Reliever
If you need more proof that movement is magic, Dr. Wendy Suzuki has your back (and your brain). A powerhouse neuroscientist from NYU, she’s spent years researching how physical activity affects the brain—and her findings are seriously encouraging.
According to her, even a single workout can immediately improve your focus and boost your mood. Long-term, regular movement helps grow new brain cells and protect against aging and mental decline. In other words, those short walks or impromptu dance breaks? They’re not just good for your body—they’re rewiring your brain to be stronger, more resilient, and more emotionally balanced.
Her TED Talk “The Brain-Changing Benefits of Exercise” is a must-watch if you need a jolt of motivation.
Knowing is half the battle…
Look, we don’t get to opt out of stress—not in this military spouse life. Even after transition the stress doesn’t go away, but we can get smarter about how we carry it. These strategies aren’t one-size-fits-all, but they’re a solid place to start. Because you’re not just surviving this season—you’re learning how to actually live through it. We can’t control the “N.U.T.S recipe”, but we can take charge of how we protect our health for the long haul.
So what’s one thing you could try this week? Five minutes of breathing? A walk with a friend? A silly dance break?
Whatever it is, do it like your well-being depends on it—because it kinda does.
