What happens when the person who was the mission… becomes the one supporting it?
Yeah. That.
In this episode of MilSpouse Transition Conversations, we’re getting into a transition that almost no one talks about—but hits harder than most. Because going from active duty to civilian life is one thing. So what’s it like going from active duty… to military spouse?
That’s a whole different identity shift. And spoiler: there’s no TAP class for that.
We’re talking about the moment you realize you’re no longer the one in uniform. The weirdness of walking into spaces you used to lead—now as the “plus-one.” The pride. The frustration. The “wait… who am I now?” spiral.
If you’ve ever felt caught between two worlds—this one’s going to hit home.
Watch the Show or Listen to the Podcast!
Did you enjoy the show? Subscribe to our YouTube channel!
Listen to the podcast
Did you enjoy the podcast? Subscribe to our Podcast!
Meet our Guest
Nicole Zettlemoyer, Owner, Wreaths by Nicole P
Nicole Zettlemoyer knows this transition from both sides.
She served in the United States Marine Corps as a regional musician and later continued her service in the Air Force, where she worked as a musician, Victim Advocate, and Master Resiliency Trainer. She also earned her Master’s in Music Education from Boston University and served as a Martial Arts Instructor.
After completing her service, Nicole stepped into a new role—military spouse—while also becoming a mom and building a business of her own.
She’s now the owner of Wreaths by Nicole P, creating custom wreaths from military uniforms (yes, actual uniforms… and yes, they’re incredible), a nationally ranked weightlifter, and a mom of two navigating this transition in real time.
She’s not speaking from theory. She’s living it.
The Conversation Topics
This wasn’t surface-level. We went there. Here’s what we unpacked:
- What does it actually feel like to go from serving to supporting?
- Was there a moment where it hit: “Oh… I’m the military spouse now”?
- How does your relationship dynamic shift when roles flip?
- What habits from military life follow you—and which ones don’t serve you anymore?
- Does becoming a spouse change how you view your own time in service?
- Do you feel like you have to prove yourself in military spouse spaces?
- What happens when you feel… out of place in a community you’re “supposed” to belong to?
- What myths about military spouses did you believe before—and what changed?
- What do military members and spouses still not understand about each other?
(Yeah… we covered a lot.)
What We Talked About (And What You Need to Know)
This conversation wasn’t just emotional; it was real life. Here are some of the biggest takeaways and moments:
1. Identity Shift Is Not Just a Title Change
It’s not “former service member” → “spouse.” It’s:
- loss of identity
- rebuilding purpose
- figuring out where you fit (again)
And doing it… without a roadmap.
2. You Can Love It… and Still Struggle
Nicole said it best (and we’re keeping this energy): You can love being a parent. You can love your family.
And still feel a loss of self.
Both can be true.
3. Community Isn’t Automatic
Even if you “should” belong…You might not feel like you do right away, especially when you’ve seen military life from the other side.
Finding your people takes time and sometimes a little trial and error.
4. The Conversations at Home Matter (A Lot)
This transition doesn’t just affect one person.
We talked about:
- redefining roles
- having honest (sometimes uncomfortable) conversations
- figuring out what support actually looks like on both sides
5. There’s No Perfect Balance—Only Real-Life Adjustments
Career. Kids. Identity. Purpose.
It’s not about doing it all perfectly. It’s about figuring out what works right now and adjusting as you go.
Wreaths by Nicole P
Let’s talk about the part of Nicole’s story that didn’t end with her transition… it evolved because of it.
Wreaths by Nicole P isn’t just a small business. It’s a way to honor service, preserve memories, and hold onto a piece of a life that shaped you. She creates custom wreaths using real military uniforms—your uniforms. The ones that carry deployments, promotions, long days, and everything in between.
These aren’t just decorations. They’re stories.
They’re:
- retirement gifts that actually mean something
- memorial pieces for families who’ve lost someone
- keepsakes for veterans who aren’t ready to let go of that chapter (and honestly… why should they?)
Nicole has created thousands of these pieces, each one completely unique, just like the story behind it. And you can feel that when you see her work.
So if you’re sitting there with a stack of old uniforms thinking, “I don’t know what to do with these…” This might be it. Support a military spouse-owned AND veteran-owned business.
Connect with Nicole
If you want to follow Nicole’s journey or check out her work:
🌐 Website: www.wreathsbynicolep.com
💼 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/nicole-pompei-zettlemoyer-398a34351
📘 Facebook: @wreathsbynicolep
📸 Instagram: @wreathsbynicolep
