I used to roll my eyes when someone would ask me what my deepest desires and aspirations were. “What’s the point,” I thought. “I live in the here and now and survive doing what needs to be done.” It’s the way so many of us military spouses approach life. Get done today what needs to get done and go ahead and make plans, but don’t expect them to happen that way. Always have a few alternate choices in place. Be prepared to cancel it all completely. Sound familiar?
Transitioning out of active duty military life changed all that. Chalk it up to also being a little bit older and wiser (ha!) but I think that we military spouses do ourselves a disservice by not spending a little bit of time with our heads in the clouds. Why? I’ve realized that dreaming about the future is more than just a whimsical skip down the “someday lane,” it’s a powerful motivator to put things in place that allow us to act when the time is right.
A Very Sad Story
Not so long ago I met a transitioning military spouse who was doing everything right. She’d connected with resources and thought about all the “tactical” decisions that had to be made and researched all of them to be fully prepared.
Armed with this knowledge she confidently stepped into a transition course ready to learn even more and find common understanding with her servicemember. The instructor welcomed everyone but her. Then he asked everyone to introduce themselves but skipped her. For the rest of the day, this military spouse was ignored. When questions were asked to the room she wasn’t picked to contribute or called on even when she was the one who knew the answers because of her preparation.
Ignored and frustrated she reached out hoping I had the answers to why she’d had this experience.
My response? The instructor was unprofessional and poorly trained on what it takes to successfully transition out of active duty military life. Only it came out a little more like, “What a jerk.”
What I Learned
What I learned from that conversation is that nobody is watching out to make sure the military spouse is included, considered, or prioritized except…(drum roll please)…the military spouse.
That’s right. We take care of ourselves and we take care of each other. That’s why MilSpouse Transition was created. Nobody else was doing it.
So, back to big dreams…
The MilSpouse Transition Vision Planner
After reading this article on how to dream big, I started thinking about what a military spouse needs to start dreaming about their life after active-duty military. It came down to believing they can achieve their goals, looking at their past mistakes, and focusing on what they truly want. The Vision Planner is an amazing tool. If you can set aside those here-and-now urges and take a minute to think about your future, you’ll find that the questions are thought-provoking, important, and even spark a fun conversation.
I start with the Big Picture then move on to the part where you get to say, “I’m Important.” Between the two you’re covering everything from life goals, fears, an ideal life, mistakes you’ve made, and the strengths you possess.
We round it off with 10 questions that get you unstuck. What do I mean by that? Many times during transition, you just want to dump it all in the trash and say you’re done. These questions are the ones that are going to give you direction to make it through that moment and keep going toward a life you truly want to live that can only come after you leave the active duty military.
Your answers will reflect your passions, values, and long-term aspirations. You can use this to share these dreams and ideas with your spouse so they know what you want out of life too. Plus, mutual dreaming sure can be fun. Take time to have conversations that are spurred by wanting the same or different things as a couple or a family.
One of my favorite questions was, “What does a day in your dream life look like?” My 9-year-old was all about video games and snacks. My 13-year-old wanted their drawing tablet and to be left alone. But it was the first time I heard my servicemember say that it would be nice to not have a job and to be able to stay at home and help homeschool and spend time with the kids.
It changed the direction of our post-transition goals.
Step Outside Your Comfort Zone
Dare to say (or write down) the dreams you truly want. Give yourself direction and opportunities to intentionally act on what is coming next. Your future self is going to thank you for it.
Grab your vision planner here.
Now that you’ve got it, let me know how the Vision Planner works for you. Drop me an email and tell me if anything surprised you!
